As a Nigerian Mum, I feel tempted to yell at my kids. Trust me when I tell you that it’s not easy to raise a child. Because at times they get to your nerves and you will be like; ”I can’t deal” I yell sometimes though but I always ended up feeling sober. (yeah! I am that emotional ) You know why? It’s never intentional! Kids are meant to be understood; they are not adults. They take life as it is, and their level of learning is slow.

Then again, I always ask myself; what’s is the point yelling at your kids and still say ”i am sorry for yelling at you, it was never intentional”. Don’t get me wrong, I owe that to them anyway. I sat down one day I told myself ” hey babe, you can avoid this you know” I had to start reading, doing research, attending seminars and workshops on parenting.

How I Stopped Yelling.

Do you know one bitter truth about bettering your life? It’s only when you know your weaknesses and try to be better a person; not for anyone, but for yourself. I started practicing how to remain calm; when they do anything that puts me off. I learnt to make myself act like a child just to get their attention. Then I figured out that my kids needed to feel closed and connected to me as a parent.

Moreover, kids need lots of attention to bring out their best. Raising intrinsically motivated children is never easy. But you can when you find out how! Praying for your child is PERFECT but not enough.

What I did instead

A punitive disciple is for shit heads. In this 21st century, kids know what you think that they don’t know. There are wiser than adults. Therefore you have to understand that punitive discipline will never help you get the best from your child. Because; it destroys their confidence.

Freaking out on your child for freaking out is as hypocritical as it is ineffective, slow down, breath. Then act like the adult you want them to become.


Follow these steps instead;

  • Be their role model; kids will never listen to what you say as a parent, rather, they will watch and emulate your attitude. Most parents don’t pay attention to what their kids have got to say to them. Give them optimum attention, don’t expect otherwise, hear what they’ve got to say to you. Show them what active listening looks like. There are no two ways about it; when you listen to them, they will listen to you.
  • Learn to say please; The word ”please” is magical. Yeah! Instead of yelling like; ”stop doing that! Or start doing this ” ( you are wasting your time) Always know that a negative request will often meet a negative response. Therefore, it’s best you say” please don’t do that or please sit down. Try this and tell me if it actually worked. This was my best and I still use it that word ”please”.
  • Don’t Compel them; they prefer you to give them option instead. Once in a while allow them to choose for them selves and guide them through.
  • Respect their play time; My kids love cartoon a lot; their favorite channel is Nicktoons or Disney channel. Whenever they are watching a cartoon, I give them an active attitude. Kids are sometimes captivated by their own activities therefore, don’t feel that you are being ignored when you call for their attention and they don’t listen. Instead of yelling at them from afar, quietly walk towards them and tell them anything. ( remember that they are kids; talk to them gently)
  • Give them breathing space; they need time to explore their potentials. It will help them live without fear or being reprimanded. Allow them to play and resolve disagreement on their own. All you need to do is to be observant; whereby you notice that the situation requires you to step in. Do that immediately and set boundaries.

However, do you think this was helpful? Are you guilty and need my help? Send me an email. Don’t forget to share to your friends.

Kindly follow me on any of my social handles. Tell a friend to tell a friend.

Thanks for reading.



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Tonokez blog is a lifestyle and wellness blog for your everyday life.